Idealism makes the realism of the life you're actually living feel like a betrayal of your beliefs while simultainously making it totally justifiable. Storal of the morey: life is complicated, especially after kids. There are no absolutes. If you form yourself before kids you won't notice the change after. Try to re-form after and you risk clashing who you need to be with who you want to be. Who you are is in flux right at the least opportune moment. Like the x files...You want to believe... But you want your children to believe more. You have to choose between what's best for them and what's best for you. keep in mind that it may be too late for you. That was your choice.